No longer shall my wife, family, friends, colleagues, or restaurant recipients of my Google Reviews need to wonder how I feel about their food. My enjoyment or lack thereof for a dish is defined here in all its simplicity. You can take what I say as subjective fact; no assumptions necessary. I’m wearing my tongue and taste buds on my sleeve.

IT’S SO GOOD / THIS IS AMAZING — (5/5)
Meets 1 or more of the following:

• I could happily eat this once a week. Tomorrow too.
• I’ll be telling others about this whenever the opportunity arises.
• I have silently considered licking my plate, and might start when you’re not looking.
• I am going to finish eating this past the point of physical pain, and even then I might go back for thirds.

IT’S PRETTY GOOD / IT’S GOOD — (4/5)
Meets 1 or more of the following:

• It’s not amazing, but it’s good. I’d have it again.
• I was looking forward to trying this, and it didn’t disappoint.
• I really liked some of the aspects of it (probably the bread, cheese, or sauce), but I’m not writing home about it.

IT’S NOT BAD — (3/5)
Meets 1 or more of the following:

• I could take it or leave it. It’s okay.
• Interesting… it’s better than I thought it’d be.
• I’ll finish it, but I could easily never eat it again.
• You’d better take the leftovers because I’m not gonna touch them unless there’s nothing else in the fridge.

EHH, I’M NOT A BIG FAN OF THAT — (2/5)
Meets 1 or more of the following:

• It’s not for me. Please don’t ask if I want more.
• I’m trying not to make a face while I chew, but my resolution is waning.
• I just wrote a reminder to never order this again.

BLEGH, IT’S GROSS / NOPE, NOPE, NO — (1/5)
Meets 1 or more of the following:

• I’m sorry for reacting like I’ve just been poisoned; my tongue went into protest.
• My whole body vehemently disagreed with the thought of swallowing that.
• I’d rather go hungry for a day.
• Marmite / Vegemite.